May 2, 2016
“Well this is Awkward…”
This is officially the last email you will get from Sister Robison....THAT IS SO SAD!!! I can't even put into words how I'm feeling right now, it is all very very surreal to me that my 18 months is actually up. This has been the fastest and most rewarding 18 months of my life. Being at the end of my mission, of course everyone is asking me about the lessons I've learned and how I've changed on my mission. And boy, I have learned so much and I have changed so much! Overall there is SO much I could say in this email, I could go for days with all the lessons I've learned from my mission, but I guess that can wait for 10 days and you can all stay up all night listening to my testimony :) but until then, here's a bit of what I have learned the most!
One of my favourite scriptures is Mosiah 3: 19 "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."
This is a scripture I have read time and time again on my mission, but I feel like it describes what my mission has been for me. Missions aren't easy, nor will they ever be easy, because Satan is trying every possible way to stop this work from moving forward, but I feel that over my mission I have constantly been putting off the "natural man" to become the daughter my Heavenly Father needs me to be. This isn't an easy task, any member of the church could testify to you of that. It involved a lot of tears, a lot of heartache, and a lot of asking "why?" But one thing I know is that as you rely 100% on the atonement, it is possible. I don't understand the reason why some things are the way they are, but what I do know and understand is that I have a loving Heavenly Father who has provided a way for me to return home to him. I am in no way worthy for that at all, but oh how I am so very grateful for my Heavenly Father for providing a way for each of us unworthy creatures to return to him through his son Jesus Christ. Life is often referred to as a "test" or a "refiners fire" and something I've learned is that the closer you get to Christ, the harder the test becomes, and the more you are refined, because Heavenly Father knows you can get through it. We should take every trial that is placed in our life and shoot for joy because our Heavenly Father has provided it to us as a way to continue to put off the natural man and choose to yield to the spirit and work through things with the atonement.
My overall goal of my mission from the day I got my call was to return home and simply be Christlike, I wanted to be someone who others could see the light of Christ through, I wanted to be someone who would act as he would, and be someone that anyone could tell without question that I believe and follow Jesus Christ. Now I don't know how well I've done at this, I still have a lot that I need to work on, but what I do know is that I have gained a firm conviction that Jesus Christ is my saviour and redeemer. He is my rock and as I put him and his gospel first in my life I will get through anything. It is possible to acquire these attributes, but like I said it isn't easy. But hey, life was never meant to be easy right? I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and is true. This book, as you know, has changed my life. If it weren't for the Book of Mormon then I wouldn't know my saviour like I do. When I got to Sutton I made it a goal to start using the BoM more in finding, and ever since then I have used it every single day and taught hundreds of people about why it's so important. As a missionary, I have gotten into the habit of always having a BoM in my left hand whenever we leave the flat. It is just always there and always ready to use. There have been a few days where I have forgotten it, or its in my bag, and I feel naked without it in my hand. I feel like I can't talk to people cause I don't have it to refer to, and I feel useless. This is very similar to our everyday lives. We have to have the BoM close by us, we have to be reading it for 30 minutes a day to stay safe in this world and to keep the armour of God around us. It is what provides us with the answers to our questions and it helps us to know the purpose of this life. The BoM is important people!
I have also learned that I belong in England. Seriously, I feel like I am supposed to be here! I love this country and the people here so much. I love the food, all those vegetables, gravy, and Yorkshire puddings (yummy!). It is seriously the best country on the planet and I hope so bad that I will be able to visit a lot during my life. I think my heart will always long to be back here. The memories I've made here and the ways I've been changed here will forever be a foundation for the rest of my life.
You know, it's a sad day to see your time serving the Lord end. I cry a lot now and kind of go into panic mode a lot...I don't know what my future has in store for me, but I know wherever it takes me I will be a follower of Jesus Christ. Thank you so much for all the prayers you have sent my way over my mission. They truly do help and I know that they have helped me do the work I have done. As I have pondered my mission and born my testimony of my mission many times this week I have felt the spirit confirm to me I have done what the Lord needed me to do. Am I sad? Yes. But at least I can look back with joyful memories from my mission.
So ya. This is awkward cause I still don't really feel like I'm coming home next week...but I guess I am...so get ready!
Oh, and this week was really good too! Most of our investigators dropped us, so that was sad, but it didn't stop us! We had zone training, I went on exchange with Sister Bills and basically cried the whole exchange cause I don't want to go home, and then we went to Eastbourne for an exchange as well (I also cried there cause it's the last time I'll see the English Channel as a missionary). But I can fill you in on all the details when I get home!
I love you all, I love my saviour, and I will forever be grateful for the time I have been able to spend in England serving the Lord and helping others to come closer to him!
Sister Robison xx